This morning I woke to a thunderstorm and springtime rain at my parent’s house in Virginia. For a second, I thought in my half-asleep state that I was back in Rwanda in my house in Kigali. I immediately panicked thinking how flooded and muddy my street was going to be… This is a totally valid reaction as KG 223 literally ate my ballet flat once. The walk of shame was too real.
…. Then my cairn terrier, scared from the thunder, kicked me in the face as she twitched awake. After a quick paw to the face, I realized it had just been a dream: I was home, with my family and thousands of miles away from the springtime rain in Kigali.
My life in Virginia and in the United States is so different than my reality in Rwanda. Coming home, makes the previous 12 months seem like a dream. As the months tick by, things become fuzzier and fuzzier. I have to think harder now to trigger sensory memories of my day to day life in Rwanda: the smell of diesel fuel, people speaking Kinyarwanda on the bus, or how hot my office would get in the afternoon sun.
This was real, right? Traditional dancers in the Eastern Province
Moving to Rwanda came at a critical point in my life. I needed to move so far away to reconnect with what made me passionate, curious, and engaged. But now that I’m home, I’m painfully reminded how much can happen in a year away. In February, I lost one of the most important women in my life, my grandma. I will always treasure the conversations we had several times over my year there, but will also regret how spaced out they were, and that I didn’t blog more to keep in her up-to-date. Little did I know at the time, but my family members were printing out my infrequent blog posts and Facebook updates and giving them to her.
Me and the special lady, Mother’s Day 2012.
Most people who chose to live abroad have similar stories of this. When you make the decision to follow your nomadic dreams, you are sacrificing being close to those you love the most as their lives continue to develop and change…
I am a slow processor: when I first came home, I was excited to be back with my family for the holidays. Happy to have the ease and accessibility of America. But as time passes and I move further, and further away from this experience abroad. The more the pain of being so far away from Rwanda urges me to reflect more. I’ve started journaling through events that happened there for clarity, and I would urge anyone who has gone through similar experiences to do the same. I’ve also committed to going to the gym to keep myself from hulk smashing people with emotions. I also highly recommend doing something active to keep the feels in check.
On a (somewhat) lighter note, I have finally decided (roughly) what comes next: I’ve realized that in order to be able to fully commit to going abroad again and being allowed more responsibility within organizations in East Africa or elsewhere… I want more education and/or work experience at home. I have always been incredibly inpatient when it comes to taking next steps in my life: I jump on opportunities and run full speed ahead, typically leaving family and friends in the dust. This time, I know I need to slow down, to grow more, and to learn a more concentrated and professional skill set.
Where is this professional job growth/education going to happen? Drumroll please….
SEATTLE! WASHINGTON! WTF… RANDOM CITY REACTION!
Just kidding! Derek (the cinnamon boyfriend) has received an incredible opportunity to join Communities in Schools at their Seattle location, and because cinnamon-swirl boyfriends with a passion for travel are in short supply, I’m going too! In late April or May, I’ll be relocating to the rainy, Pacific Northwest for a new, domestic adventure. We’ve always wanted to live on the West Coast. There are also plenty of innovative, smart organizations doing wonderful things domestically and abroad. I’m excited to (hopefully) join one of their teams (HIRE ME). I’ve had a couple of interviews, and will keep everyone updated when someone takes mercy on me.
Rwanda will always be in my mind and heart. I know the path I’m on will eventually lead me back there, but right now… I need to be in the U.S., not only for my family but also for me. This pacific northwest adventure could lead to who knows what. I’m sad that my reunion with East Africa will be delayed, but also very excited for what comes next. Murakoze cyane CYANE, Rwanda, Burundi, Uganda, and Tanzania, for waking me back up and making me committed to your potential for greatness.
I am also going to start using this blog as I shift towards this new city and new adventures! Canada! Hawaii! Alaska! Portland! Granola! Liberals! so stay tuned.
Trying not to pee from fear on the Nyungwe Forest suspension bridge…
Little person, big travel 